The Fragmented Family

Good morning or evening, wherever you're tuning in from. I'm Tammy Toney-Butler, Healing Evangelist and host of Reflective Hour. Today's episode is about the fragmented family. The fragmented family. And this topic has weighed heavily on me for the past few weeks as I've ministered to countless families who are in the middle of family crises. Parents trying to do the right thing, acting out of love, but not knowing exactly what to do for their son or their daughter who've lost their way. Maybe they're struggling with addiction. Maybe they're struggling with identity issues. Maybe they're struggling with things that they don't even speak of. They just see a change in them and they don't know quite what to do. Today's episode can only be guided by the Holy Spirit. Can only be guided by the Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit, come have your way in this time that we have together. May they see you and not me, hear you and not me. Speak to them, O God. Speak to their hearts. Speak to the raw wounds that are gaping open and heal them, O God. Heal them, O God. Give them the strength of Isaiah forty thirty one as they weather these storms and help them to remember Mark eleven twenty two to twenty five. that you are the mountain mover God. And we get to speak to those mountains. We get to speak to that family disunity, that fragmented family. And we get to speak life over it. Wholeness and strength, clarity and wisdom, oh God, as to exactly how to proceed in this moment. Give me the words, God, to speak. Give me the tongue of the learning. Give me the compassionate, merciful heart of the Lord Jesus Christ. In the mighty name of Jesus, I pray and declare all things. Amen. So today we're going to dive in to the fragmented family. How many of you are struggling? You know that your family is shattered into a million pieces, broken glass everywhere. And you're trying to mend it. You're trying to keep it together. You're trying to put it back together, to fit the broken pieces back together, to resemble the family unit that you know you are to have. But you realize You can't control anything and you feel helpless and hopeless in a spiritual darkness and you have no idea what to do. You have no idea what to do. How do you support your family during tough economic times? How do you support your family when you're depressed? When you're struggling with your own trauma and you've been parenting through survival mode for years, and now you have a daughter or son who's struggling. What do you do as a believer? What do you do? So let's reflect, stop, pause. And let's study scripture and let it be our guide during these tough, tough times. During these tough times. The Holy Spirit reminded me And yes, my Bible is falling apart. You can tell how old. That's why I even have another Bible because every time I take this one around, it just kept falling all to pieces. But the Holy Spirit brought me to Scripture because I've been asked for many weeks now to minister to many different individuals who are struggling with regards to family. And I know, you know, I had issues as well in the past with my family. And we, you know, a lot of us come from broken homes and broken family structures, and it's difficult. We live in a difficult time. We live in a time to where there's such spiritual darkness everywhere. And it's trying to come to kill, steal, destroy, or distract us. And we need to have the clarity that only scripture can bring. So to answer some of these difficult questions, I was reminded in the Bible of, I don't even want to say it, but almost like dysfunctional family units or families that were in crisis in the Bible. And, you know, one that the Lord really highlighted to me was in Genesis. Genesis And we see the story of Abraham and of Sarah and of Ishmael and of Hagar. And so when we look in scripture at Genesis twenty one and it is fairly short. So I really believe I should read the whole thing. And the Lord visited Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did unto Sarah as he had spoken. For Sarah conceived and bare Abraham a son in his old age at the set time which God had spoken to him. At the set time. Remember, it's about God's timing and not how long we think something should be. And Abraham called the name of his son that was born unto him, whom Sarah bared to him, Isaac. And Abraham circumcised his son Isaac, being eight days old, and God had commanded him. And Abraham was a hundred years old when his son Isaac was born unto him. And Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh so that all that hear will laugh with me. And she said, who would have said unto Abraham that Sarah should have given children suck? For I have born him a son in his old age. Hagar and Ishmael sent away. This is the next section. And the child grew and was weaned, and Abraham made a great feast that same day that Isaac was weaned. And Sarah saw the son of Hagar, the Egyptian, which she had born unto Abraham, mocking. So Ishmael was mocking Isaac. Wherefore she said unto Abraham, Cast out this bondwoman. this slave and her son. For the son of this bond woman shall not be heir with my son, even with Isaac. And the thing was very grievous in Abraham's sight because of his son. Abraham was torn because Ishmael was his son and he was suffering a great internal conflict as to what to do. He was in an impossible situation because And he needed a word from God. He needed permission from God to release what was so dear to him in order to walk in the fulfillment of his kingdom purpose and let the... Let there be no distractions. Let there be no conflict in the camp. Let there be unity. Because remember, if we are not unified and we are divided amongst ourselves, we cannot stand. And so this was more, this was about more than one individual. This was more than about Abraham and his feelings. This was about the kingdom of God. And God said unto Abraham, see, God spoke to Abraham and gave him knowledge and insight. And sometimes those words can be spoken and you know it's God talking to you through someone else. He will send someone to minister to you in the capacity of which you can receive it at the timing in which you need it the most. And so I always pray for discernment and that you have the spiritual ears to hear and eyes to see what it is that God is trying to say to you through those broken fragments, through your soul, the anguish, the heartache that's breaking because you know you've got to make a very painful decision, that the time has come, that it can no longer be the way it has been. It can no longer continue to afflict you in this manner. These hard decisions, these decisions that involve the family members may be saying, you know what? It's time that you go out on your own. My son, my daughter, you're not wanting my help. You're, you're, you're rejecting me. You're rejecting my help. Everything I'm doing, you don't want it. And, and, And I've tried, I've tried, I've tried and I can't do it anymore because it's destroying me. It's destroying my current family. Maybe you're in a blended family and maybe it's destroying your new renewed self and your new family unit. And you have to understand that guilt is not yours to carry. You've been set free. You've been healed. And yes, you were one way and now you're another. And yes, broken people hurt others. And yes, I was broken. And yes, I've hurt others. But there comes a time of reconciliation and restoration. And there comes a time that we all must be pruned. There comes a time where we must be pruned. There comes a time where we must be pruned. And none of us like the cutting away of things, especially those relationships that we hold very dear. And as a mother and a father, you want to know where your child is and you want to be caring for them. But sometimes you can show them the light and they just want the darkness and they're choosing the darkness. That doesn't mean we stop speaking life over them. That doesn't mean that we stop declaring that they will be a part of the kingdom of light. They will have salvation. They will know Jesus. They will be with us in eternity. But it's a moment to where we have to stop striving, stop struggling, stop trying to control and manipulate outcomes and say, Abba Father, Lord Jesus, Holy Spirit, help me. Help me to surrender my son and my daughter to you. Because I'd rather an omnipresent God that's everywhere be invited into this situation. I'd rather the mountain moving God, the God that parted the Red Sea, be involved in this situation, this impossible situation, and speak to this mountain and move it. And only God, only Abba Father, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the God of our precious Lord Jesus, The God that sent his son to die on the cross so we could have eternal life. Only that God can mend this and put these fragmented pieces back together and out of a mess, make a miracle. And I want that God to step in. Holy Spirit, I surrender the situation to you. Be it your will, God, and not mine. And God said to Abraham, let not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad and because of thy bondwoman. In all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice, for in Isaac shall thy seed be called. And also of the son of the bondwoman will I make a nation because he is thy seed. So God saw There was dysfunction in the family. There was inner turmoil. There was family conflict. There was chaos in the camp. And that's not of God. And if it wasn't immediately separated out of the camp, the pride of envy, the sin of envy, the sin of pride, if it wasn't removed from the camp, if any leaven was allowed to be in and contaminate the whole loaf, there would be a problem but God knew this was an impossible situation because Abraham loved his son but he was faced with a very difficult choice did he honor Sarah his wife who he'd yoked together and God had yoked them together and his dear son Isaac where the covenant promise was through Or did he allow a conception that was born out of sin, a relationship that was not of God, compromise the future of nations, of the kingdom of God and the advancement of the kingdom of God? Or delay it? God's will will be done in his perfect timing. And sometimes that requires the removal of hindrances and obstacles in our path or things that are destroying us because we have to put first the kingdom of God. And that's what Abraham did. He sought God and God told him, do what sarah had requested even though it broke his heart as a father and it may be breaking your heart as a parent but inside you know god is speaking to you to set a very painful boundary a guardrail to protect your peace, your home, your children that are in your home, maybe your young ones that have been born, and maybe you have an older one that comes in and out of the house, but yet doesn't really want you in their life except for when they need something. There are moments in our life that we are called like Hagar, to set out on your own path. And we are called like Abraham to send those we love away so that God can step into the situation and bring a miracle. So that God can step into a situation and bring a miracle. And that's what's happening here. And he said, I will make a nation because he is thy seed. God promised that nothing would happen to Hagar and to Ishmael. He promised to look over them on their journey. And I know God is with your son or your daughter that has lost their way, that is wanting to set out on a dark path, who may be struggling with addiction, And he's with you to give you the strength to let go and to release what no longer serves you or where he's taking you or your new family. And that is a very, very painful decision. But you've done everything you can. You've given them every opportunity. You've spent years. You've exhausted all your finances on that son or daughter. And I promise you one day you will rejoice because that prodigal son and daughter will come home. But sometimes we have to fall. And sometimes it's through that breaking and that shattering process, that crushing, those Garden of Gethsemane moments and the all oppressive affliction where we become. And we can try to stop our sons or daughters from falling. And we see them. We see them on a course, a crash course of destruction. But no matter what we do and say, they won't listen and they won't follow. And remember, a lot of us are like that. The Holy Spirit is speaking to us, but we're in rebellion, going our own way, doing our own thing instead of following and surrendering. to the Lord Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior and letting Him lead our lives in His strength as we come under His Lordship. Hagar even had a choice to come under the Lordship, to come under and submit in the home. And she chose at times to ridicule, to mock, And Ishmael did that. Did he learn that from Hagar? I don't know. But we knew. Let me rephrase that. But there are situations in our life where we know that only God can get us out of that. And we have to surrender to his leading and listen for when he's speaking and telling us what to do. And more times than not, it is contrary to our flesh and our emotions and our feelings. But we can't go by that in this hour. We have to only go by what God's will is, because I promise you, God knows best. I promise you, God knows best. And many women that I minister to or men said to me, It was when my parents kicked me out, when I had nowhere to go, when I was homeless, when I was forced to make a decision, when I had exhausted and ruined every relationship I had because I had exhausted everyone. And I ended up in jail or prison that I knew. And I came to the end of myself that I knew I had to change. I had to say no to addiction. I had to listen to God, to the voice of God. and they are thriving now. But the most painful decision as a parent or caregiver is to know when to say enough is enough. Let's keep reading. And Abraham rose up early in the morning and took bread and a bottle of water and gave it unto Hagar, putting it on her shoulder and the child and sent her away. And she departed and wandered in the wilderness of Beersheba. And the water was spent in the bottle and she cast the child under one of the shrubs. And she went and sat her down over against him a good way off as it were a bow shot. For she said, let me not see the death of the child. And she sat over against him and lift up her voice and wept. She cried out. She cried out. And God heard the voice of the lad. And the angel of God called to Hagar out of heaven and said unto her, What aileth thee, Hagar? Fear not, for God hath heard the voice of the lad where he is. You hear that? Abraham sent them away with provisions. God promised to be there for them and deliver them and help them. And in their time of trouble, in their darkest moment, in that wilderness, dry, barren place, the God Almighty, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, our God that created everything, our God that spoke the world into existence, our God that gives life was with Hagar and was with Ishmael. And he helped them and he helped them and he met them where they were in their dysfunction. God will find your son and daughter and there will be restoration. You have to let go because it's destroying you. You've done it so long. Your finances are exhausted. You know you can't continue down this path because you've shown that it's not working. There's been no change in behavior. There's only been further rebellion. Sometimes we just have to let go like Abraham. Trust God. Listen to the voice in the leading and know God has it. That doesn't mean we ever stop praying. That doesn't mean we ever stop declaring. for our sons and daughters to be set free from the bondage of addiction, to get out of that darkness and come to the kingdom of light. We keep declaring it. We keep speaking it and we keep knowing it will happen. Arise, lift up the lad and hold him in that hand for I will make him a great nation. And God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water and she went and filled the bottle with water and gave the lad drink. God opened her eyes and the child had water to drink, had water to drink. And Jesus is our living water. And even though we thirst, we can be filled and will be filled. And God was with the lad and he grew and dwelt in the wilderness. God was with him. even in his wilderness experience. And it says he grew and became an archer. He became an archer. So out of that afflicting moment to where they were cast out and sent out, asked to go, it was actually their moment to where they found life and became. He became an archer. It was his moment of becoming. It was his moment of becoming. And he dwelt in the wilderness of Paran and his mother took him a wife out of the land of Egypt. And he was okay. And he was okay. I was reading out of the Life Application Study Bible, the King James Version. And he was okay. So even though that family was broken and shattered and fragmented and God made a miracle out of a mess and he can do the same for you and for your family. And that's the message he had for you today. As you reflect on the journey of these past few years, where you've sowed and sowed and sowed in love and tears, And sadly, it's been rejected. It's time to let go. Let God. And I give you permission to release what no longer serves you, what's bringing disunity, sin in the camp, chaos in the camp. And I speak life over your family now, over your finances, over your son and daughter, Maybe it's your grandchildren. And I know God will send a destiny helper or divine helper to speak to them in the capacity at which they can receive it and accept it. And he will provide for them on their journey with angels all around and camped about so they won't even dash their foot against a stove. Let go this season. Let God. And see the miracle that's made from the breaking, the remaking, and the becoming. Glory be to Jesus. Glory be to Jesus. Glory be to Jesus.